Cultivating What Matters
by the Bainbridge Healthy Youth Alliance

Welcome to the our blog, “Cultivating What Matters,” where we share articles about people, stories, projects, events, and research that are of interest to everyone on Bainbridge Island who cares about the genuine success and well-being of youth.

Embracing Imperfection

Posted by on Mar 30, 2017 in Resourcefulness | 0 comments

Embracing Imperfection

As Brene Brown put so well, “When perfectionism is driving, shame is always in the shotgun seat and fear is that annoying backseat driver!” Perfectionism gets in the way of many of the Compass Advantage attributes, such as resourcefulness, creativity and resilience. Like me, many Bainbridge Island adults and teens I talk to are “recovering” perfectionists.  Explore ways you can help your child learn from mistakes, not fear them.     Cezanne Allen, M.D.

Are You Raising A Perfectionist?

By Marilyn Price-Mitchell, PhD

In today’s culture of high stakes testing and tough competition for college admissions, being a perfectionist is often seen as a desirable trait in children.  But recent studies show that perfectionist attitudes can interfere with a child’s ability to achieve goals and shape their futures. In fact, perfectionists often struggle with depression, anxiety, and low self-esteem.

READ ENTIRE ARTICLE

Fostering Resourcefulness

Posted by on Mar 17, 2017 in Resourcefulness | 0 comments

Fostering Resourcefulness

“I’ve learned so much from my mentors, peers and coach Mr.Chee through robotics. I’ve learned how to work with adults professionally and how to recognize when my peers can help me. And besides learning how to use the tools and machines, I’ve learned how to make an idea a reality through hard work and creativity.
My robotics mentors were there to guide us, and so were my teammates. We work together, lose together, and win together. My team has plenty of wonderful role models that reinforced all 11 skills that Marilyn Price-Mitchell talks about in the following article.”

BHS Junior, Rose B.

 

Resourcefulness: How Parents Help Children Achieve Goals

By Marilyn Price-Mitchell, PhD

When our daughter Sarah was in 7th grade, her Latin Class held student chariot races—reenacting a sport that began in ancient Greece. Sarah’s goal was to build the best chariot so she and her team could win the competition. It was a fun school project, and one that had the potential to help Sarah learn resourcefulness—the ability to find and use available resources to achieve goals.

Like most parents, we wanted to help our daughter in her quest to succeed. So, we came together as a family to build the best chariot possible. Sarah had an advantage over her classmates—her father is an architect with great design ideas. He is also a talented woodworker!

The day for the races arrived. At least 20 homemade chariots lined the school playing field as students dressed in Roman togas took their places and proud parents cheered from the sidelines. Our daughter’s team won the race, and we were all excited.

The truth? SEE ENTIRE ARTICLE

Raising Trustworthy Kids

Posted by on Mar 3, 2017 in Integrity | 0 comments

Raising Trustworthy Kids

“We tell lies when we are afraid… afraid of what we don’t know, afraid of what others will think, afraid of what will be found out about us. But every time we tell a lie, the thing that we fear grows stronger.”

Tad William

Choosing Honesty: Tips for Raising Trustworthy Kids

By Deborah Farmer Kris

Recently, I heard toddler screams emanating from the living room. When I went to check on my kids, I found a distraught two-year-old and a four-year-old who seemed to be holding something behind her back. Naturally, this prompted to a few questions:
Me: Do you know why your brother is mad?

Daughter: Oh yes! He wants his toy car.

Me: Do you know where it is?

Daughter: Maybe somebody took it and hid it!

Me: Hm, can you tell me who took it?

Daughter: I don’t know!

[Long, long pause]

Daughter: I think maybe it was me.

If your child has ever lied to you, take heart: it turns out that most kids have a strong tendency to lie when they transgress rules or expectations.

Read Entire Article Here

Teaching Kids Integrity

Posted by on Feb 22, 2017 in Integrity | 0 comments

Teaching Kids Integrity

“This month we turn to a timely topic. Integrity-we all want our kids to have it, but how do we teach living a life ‘consistent with the values, beliefs and moral principles we claim to hold?’  Easier said than done!  Read on to hear about Mary O’Donohue’s ‘parent epiphany,’ which I found refreshingly honest.”

Cezanne Allen, M.D.

 

Teaching Children to Have Integrity

By Mary O’Donohue

Ever have a parenting epiphany? A moment when something just makes you think, “Whoa, wait a minute. I’ve been doing this all wrong! I need to change direction.”

That happened to me a few years ago when my daughter Grace was five. I caught her trying to steal a candy bar at the checkout counter of a local store. When I told her to put it back, she looked at me as if to say, “There’s nothing to see here. I don’t know what you’re talking about.” Even as her 10 year-old brother chided, “You’re gonna get in trouble,” Grace just pretended nothing had happened.

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The Power of Family Movie Night

Posted by on Feb 22, 2017 in Integrity | 0 comments

The Power of Family Movie Night

“What better way to spend a weekend evening than to curl up with my kids on the couch with a good movie and popcorn?  I don’t often think of using movies to help inspire important family conversations. Read Marilyn Price-Mitchell’s tips for using movies to foster the internal strengths that help kids thrive.”

Marina Cofer-Wildsmith,

Executive Director, Bainbridge Youth Services

Family Movies That Will Inspire Teens and Their Parents

by Marilyn Price-Mitchell, PhD

Family movies rock! And for many reasons! In today’s busy world, watching movies gives families time to slow down, be entertained, and be together. But family movies have the potential to do so much more. They can quite literally shape children’s lives.

One way for teens to learn about and act on the core abilities of The Compass Advantage is to first identify the compass abilities in others. How can teens do this with their family?

READ ENTIRE ARTICLE

Note: Have younger kids? Search here for films appropriate for kids of all ages on Common Sense Media.com.

 

Integrity Matters

Posted by on Feb 17, 2017 in Integrity | 0 comments

Integrity Matters

“Live so that when your children think of fairness, caring and integrity, they think of you.”

H. Jackson Browne, Jr.

Integrity: How Families Teach and Live Their Values

By Marilyn Price-Mitchell, PhD

We live in an age where integrity often takes a back seat to power and material success ­— where “the end justifies the means” is a mantra for too many adults who influence children.

Nowhere has this mantra played out more publicly than in U.S. politics, where deceit, dishonesty, and relentless bullying from all sides shows children the flip side of integrity.

Whether responding to a stranger’s Facebook post about a social issue or a friend’s unkind comment

READ ENTIRE ARTICLE HERE

The Upside of Teen Risk-Taking

Posted by on Jan 26, 2017 in Resilience | 0 comments

The Upside of Teen Risk-Taking

“Most of us associate teen risk-taking with drug and alcohol use. What if we looked at the upside of this normal teen propensity and supported kids in finding “natural highs” without alcohol or drugs? Marilyn Price-Mitchell reviews how activities like rock climbing, cross-country biking, community service, and other experiences can help kids get out of their comfort zone, learn to deal with discomfort and build resilience. This has been part of a successful national strategy in Iceland to decrease drug and alcohol usage. What might work on Bainbridge Island? ”

Cezanne Allen, M.D.

Why Risk-Taking May Increase Teen Happiness

 By Marilyn Price-Mitchell, PhD

One of the first things you might associate with teenagers is their risk-taking behavior. And most of the time, those associations are negative. Right?

That’s because we are deluged with stories of troubled youth whose risk-taking actions got out of hand —sometimes with tragic results. But what if there was a flip-side to youth risk-taking? A side that would make us encourage teenagers to stretch their comfort zones?

In a recent article, What Happy People Do Differently, positive psychologists, Robert Biswas-Diener and Todd Kashdan, claim READ ENTIRE ARTICLE.

Resilience: Growing From Adversity

Posted by on Jan 9, 2017 in Resilience | 0 comments

Resilience: Growing From Adversity

 

“Being able to manage stress and function well even when faced with the inevitable challenges life will throw us is a key trait to thriving in life.  Parents of kids of any age owe it to their children to read Marilyn Price Mitchell’s superb article packed with ways parents can make a positive difference and foster this important ability.”

Cezanne Allen, M.D.

Resilience: How Families Grow From Adversity

By Marilyn Price-Mitchell, PhD

Most of us want to protect our children from struggle.  

After all, if we shoulder their burdens, they’ll be happier, right?

Not usually.

Children are happiest when parents scaffold their children’s ability to tackle life’s challenging experiences.

This kind of scaffolding is necessary from a very young age. As children grow to become…

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Everyday Ways to Teach Kids About Sexual Consent

Posted by on Dec 31, 2016 in Sociability | 0 comments

Everyday Ways to Teach Kids About Sexual Consent

“It’s never too early or too late to help kids develop the capacity for healthy relationships.

With multiple sexual assaults in the news over the last 6 months, teaching our kids about sexual consent seems more relevant than ever as a key skill in the healthy relationship toolbox. As parents, it can feel scary to bring up loaded issues like sexual consent and many of us don’t have a clue where to start.

Luckily, the following article can help to lower our anxiety. We empower our children through routine, everyday actions in which we model for children regard for their bodies, boundaries and emotions. As our children experience our respect for them in everyday ways, they are more likely to regard their own and other people’s bodies with respect and integrity as well.”

Nicole Hayford, Parent
Sexual Assault Response Coordinator, Naval Base Kitsap
Counselor, Bainbridge Youth Services

5 Everyday Ways to Teach Your Kids about Consent

by Lisa McCrohan

Sexual consent can be tough to explain to young kids. But this psychotherapist has some advice.
My daughter and I are waiting in the exam room for the pediatrician. We are here for her annual wellness checkup.
And from the moment our pediatrician walks through the door, she is all about focusing on my daughter. She looks my daughter in the eyes and kindly greets her. She shakes her hand. She addresses my daughter with her questions. She explains READ WHOLE ARTICLE

Life Lessons from the Soccer Field

Posted by on Dec 30, 2016 in z-delete | 0 comments

Life Lessons from the Soccer Field

In this podcast, BCB host Christina Hulet explores the ability to create and sustain healthy relationships – what psychologists call sociability – with soccer coach Ballan Campeau of BIFC club soccer and the Bainbridge High School team, and two of his athletes, Tyler Moravec and Quinn Millerd.

How can we help youth create and sustain positive, healthy relationships?

It’s an important question for all of us, adults and youth alike, and yet we all know how messy and challenging relationships can be. Who among us is able to navigate all of our relationships well? To be successful at relationships, we need a number of skills: active listening, compassion, boundary setting, collaboration, and the ability to regulate one’s emotions and impulses. It is a lifelong journey.

In sharing their experiences of creating solid relationships on the soccer field and beyond, Ballan, Tyler and Quinn encourage us, as parents and community members, to think about what we might do from the sidelines to foster these skills and better support our youth.

Credits: BCB host: Christina Hulet; BCB studio tech: Channie Peters; BCB audio editor and social media publisher: Diane Walker.

Thanks to Bainbridge Community Broadcasting for supporting the “Beyond the Report Card: Cultivating What Matters” campaign.